These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
