new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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