Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
