I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
bring money and cleavage
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
