Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
