I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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