We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
