You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
