Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
