This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
