i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
