walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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