I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
