how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am naked and annoyed.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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