btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
