woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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