the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
