I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
