we made out on top of his cat.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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