i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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