Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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