I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We had sex on a dog bed..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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