He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize