so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
