i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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