He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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