I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize