Apparently you make a good broom.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
