my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize