we made out on top of his cat.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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