dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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