he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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