I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize