I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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