There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
