my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
