just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
