i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
