we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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