You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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