At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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