So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
