my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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