just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
