At least make sure they are 18
Why
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
