dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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