saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
