do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
