i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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