I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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