Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
