I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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