Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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