no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My cat gives me a boner
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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