yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
