you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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