Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
