mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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