Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
