wrigley field is MILF paradise
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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