so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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