Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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