I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you made out with another girl for some wings
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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