I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
