yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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