Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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