every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you will always have a special place in my vag
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
