dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize