There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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