people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
