I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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