but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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