Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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