haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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