There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Your face is a jimmy john
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
