I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
well you can't waste a boner
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
