No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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