Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
