I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
