Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
