my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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