Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
