$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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