His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you didnt know i had herpes?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
