i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
