It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize