What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
