hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
