I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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