Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
