she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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