I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
