I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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